Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Panic attacks

No reason other than I liked it
Panic attacks can be a very scary experience. I wouldn't recommend them to a friend
They irritate the shit out of me and there is nothing I can do to make them stop. I have tried believe me.

It's an irrational state of fear, despair and dread that often ends up in tears.

There is no route cause I can find to why they happen. I will be happy as Larry (Larry is notoriusly happy) on mean and the next I am freaking out like  Quagmire(C-3PO): "Just tell me right now that I don't have to stay in this room."

The often come at inconvienient moments. I will end up at my desk in tears or be at home on my own and only really want to talk to one person in the world but not feel confident enough that they would want to speak to me so not ring them.

They are very hard to describe it feels as if you are going to die. Your haert is pounding so much and it becomes hard to breathe. 
I have learnt more and more to just relax and breathe but you can get stuck in a loop where you worry about the attack which causes anxiety and therefore exasperating or casusing an attack.

Panic attacks are different to anxiety and are thought to occur more often in people with above average intelligence (so get you if you suffer maybe you can join mensa)
Anxiety is that butterflies in the stomach feeling, feeling like you want to run away, its worry basically. And who wants to worry? no one, cos it is rubbish.

Think I need an Alice tattoo
The most common (because its easiest) thing to do is to avoid the thing that is causing the anxiety. This is easy enough but it is not going to solve the problem in the long term. You need to face up to the things that worry you and find a way of dealing with them. And if they are out of your hands, so be it, let them go. Easier said than done I can assure you. I wish I could let things go. I wish I could just not worry and panic and cry.

I give myself all sorts of useful advice. I then take it upon myself to ignore my very good ideas. My most recent good idea to ignore was to fall in love. It's never a good idea to be in love when you are insecure with yourself. I feel like I am not good enough. Like I don't deserve it. And believing compliments is tough. Why would anyone love me why would they say nice things about me. I sound all a bit doom and gloom and woe is me but its not the case. I am feeling happy in my life recently. But there is always the fear "you're gonna walk away too" retrouvailles.

I have managed to follow one bit of my own advice. I am on day 146 of being straight edge. Still not having problems with it.

I am having problems with the fact that summer has just started though. Summer brings moths. I hate moths. They are the ghosts of butterflies here to haunt me and my lamp. I also hate butterflies, flappy devils.
If you have any advice for me let me know, leave a comment or send me a tweet @DougalMcT


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