I fell in love again. That was my mistake. To think that I could pull it off. I can't. I am no good at relationships. I think I am destined to have loads of cats and a house that smells of wee.
For the last week I have been waking up feeling sad and hopeless. I've been trying to ignore it. The weather has been lush. I've spent time with my boys whom I love. I got a tattoo (you know, standard behaviour). These are the things that make me happy. Not even the fun of the rubicon mango advert has been able to lift me out of my funk.
At the back of my head has been a feeling of 'you fucked it up again dougal'. That feeling of dread of losing grip and having no control over it.
Once again I ended up in tears at my desk. I cried my heart out. I don't know if it was rightly or wrongly but I cried. Now I know it was rightly. That I'm a failure in all matters of the heart. I just wish I had been told. Not just had to assume the worst and beg for the truth.
It was fate for me to meet him and fall in love I know that. Cos now I know there are others out there. And I kinda always knew it was fate for me to end up crying on my own cos it didn't work out.
The funny thing is that yes, I have been feeling awful these past few days. And today I did feel like I couldn't breathe but I am such a pro at getting dumped now that I know I am gonna be fine soon enough. I will get the city and colour and the smiths phase out of my system sooner rather than later.
I have recruited a new wingman this morning. I do hope he is good at it. He owes me due to the effort I put into his twitter campaign. Just waiting for the big-gay-night-out. I'll report back on how he gets on as my helper.
Would say I love you all but it would lead to bad things. Peace out soul sisters (and brothers)
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