Saturday, May 5, 2012

How to be a good mum

I am a mum. I have been doing ok at it for 8 and a half years now. The kid is still alive for starters. I don't really like to go on about her a lot cos no one really wants to hear about people's kids. Unless someone brings her up in conversation I tend not to broach the subject. I will tell you this though: she is above average in reading and considered 'gifted & talented' at both writing and maths.
So that's my little bit of showing off. It's not by chance she is at these levels. I always tell her the importance of education to help you get ahead in life.

I had the kid fairly young in life. By no means young by Swindon standards but too young nevertheless. Such just before my 21st birthday the most beautiful kid in the world came out the sunroof. I have basically been winging it ever since. I had and still have no idea how to be a mum. I will probably never figure it out. The only advice I can give people is in the first few years sleep when you can.

There has come along recently a breed of super mums intent on telling the world how to be parents and how awesome their kids are. They have seemed to miss the point that we are all built to procreate. We will probably all have kid eventually. They are not the first ones to try this fun new craze. They want to ram their "biggest achievement" down our throat.
Tiny lady jesko
Anyone who says their biggest achievement in life is having a kid have really set their sights low. I know some people who can barely look after a goldfish and therefore shouldn't be trusted with another human life who have kids all over the place. I don't see kids as an achievement. Raising and awesome kid that is the next Einstein maybe but just having a kid is not. Do you see my point? There is a difference!

The super mums probably think I am doing things wrong. I am a mum but that is not the only thing I am. I am lucky enough that the kids dad is very good with the time he has her so that I can lead my own life. This is not to say I don't miss the little lady when I she is at her dads, I do. I miss the harsh and abrasive wake up calls that can only have been learned from me. I am not a morning person.

The list of kids that actually interest me is very short. That's not to say I am going to be mean to your kids, unless they are mean to me, then I will put the little shits in a headlock.

Even baby gooners don't interest me
The thing is, new born babies are boring, just milk, sleep and inevitably crying. Older babies are funny for about 3 minutes till they inevitably cry. Toddlers just get in your stuff. they touch everything and are so very accident prone that they inevitably cry.

Then they get to school age, when they start getting a bit materialistic. They want stuff they can't have and inevitably cry.

So what have we learned? Kids cry basically.

Super mums I have a request of you please stop filling my life with your advice and idle chatter. And as lovely as your kids may be no one wants to see endless pictures and status updates about them.

And all mums, never give up on your heels. Get some than match the pushchair after the baby is born cos well you are l'oreal.

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