Friday, June 29, 2012


The best I can do with a shit phone camera when I'm on my own on a Friday evening.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

How to get over heartache

We have all experienced the pain of heartache. It's a horrible helpless feeling that can't really be explained. The lovely @obscurethingy thinks you should "wallow in it; enjoy every bitter sweet moment."

As a seasoned professional now I feel that is is only fair that I share my handy hints on how to deal with the situation, not like a grown up, but like every other fucker in the world would deal with it although they would deny this.

  1. Hide away from the world - You are an utter mess. You emotions are up and down more than normal happy folk care to know about. Your need to hide away in you room under your duvet where your tearful, puffy, red, forlorn face cannot be seen by the public. They don't need you bringing them down.
  2. Text - Ignore helpful texts from friends. Instead spend as much time as possible sending texts to the one that made you feel this way. This will make you feel like an utter dickhead a few months from now, but don't worry about that live in the moment. Some ideas for texts are:
    Shock- I can't believe you are doing this
    Anger - I hate you so much
    Sex - How about a quickie for old times sake
    Love - I love you so much
    Resignation - Make that fake resignation, lets be friends.
    Make sure that the message you send are extrememly long so it will bore their intended recipient. 
  3. Social media - make sure you share every single tiny little bit of your heart ache on all available social networks.
    Facebook - long winded status about how sad you are and can't beleive this has happened, when a friend asks if you are ok you must reply either; I don't want to talk about it, or I'll text you it's personal. Maybe post some sad songs on there off youtube. Finally change your picture to a sad but cute thing.
    Twitter - As many tweets as you can about how sad and hurt and deep you are.
    Instagram and Tumblr - Sad, sad, sad pictures with emo tags and titles. Make sure you also post these to twitter and facebook.
  4. Food - Now you have two options when it comes to food. Firstly you lay in bed eating all available food in your house then order out for more food with added extras and drinks with all the sugar. Get fat and sweaty and cry more. Or the other option is do not eat. This one is more for women. Don't eat apart from maybe a boiled egg a day and some diet coke. You will then be told that being dumped agrees with you and you are hot and thin. Thin doesn't mean hot but people will say it to humour you.
  5. Have a great time - Go out, get hammered, get in as many hilarious photos as possible, cry over the person in the pub toilet, sleep around. All of these things will make you feel momentarily better and the aftermath of the hangover, the untagging on facebook, the hilarious Oh Em Gee look at me I am so funny on facebook and the inevitable chlamydia will make you forget the sad, sad pain deep in your soul.
My final advice to you is cry. Cry so harder your neighbours can hear you. Wail like a baby. Cry so much that your eyes and throat both run out of any kind of liquid substance. Once all of this is done cry some more. Cry them sad little tears of memories and what might have beens when you are laying in bed at night.

If you're anything about me when the crying stops you will meet someone new to stomp all over you and when you do refer back to this list.
An example of number 3, social media

Thursday, June 21, 2012

The Big Dig

So, why WaterAid? The company I work for is a proud supporter of WaterAid, an international charity dedicated to helping people in developing countries gain access to safe water, sanitation services and hygiene education. We have helped thousands of the world's poorest people gain access to the very things we all sometimes take for granted - safe water and sanitation.
I donate to WaterAid monthly and there are always activities going on to help raise even more.
Water is something that is taken for granted. We turn on the tap and there it is. I have heard many times people putting forward their arguments about why they think water should be free. In-between water falling from the sky to coming out the tap there is a whole process to make it clean and potable.
WaterAid’s Big Dig appeal aims to bring clean, safe water to 134,000 people in some of the poorest communities in rural Malawi. You can follow this online and you can donate at The UK Government will match donations pound for pound, but only until 18 September – so we need all the support we can get right now.
So get involved, donate as much as you can spare and get tweeting, sharing and adding The Big Dig news to your timeline.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Campaign 2. #DateHavoc

We succeeded. We won the Internet. The #BookHavoc campaign worked, Havoc was booked.

He is fighting Danny Garnell this Sunday at Chapter 2 of Progress Wrestling. It's kinda like the end of Star Wars episode 3: Revenge of the Sith when Anakin fights Obi Wan. Havoc better win or I will hit him with a chair myself. I told him this earlier and little Jimmy seemed to like the idea of it.

Anyhow let's move on to campaign number 2. #DateHavoc. This is a targetted campaign directly at Zooey Deschanel

If ou are lurking around on twitter and a little bored why not get involved. Tweet Zooey Deschanel and tell her how great Jimmy is. It's also nice if you give her a reason why Jimmy is great or what a lovely date they could go on.

I am going to get working on some reason to #DateHavoc while I am doing this why not pop over to see Deano Peppers at 8oclockcomics and see what pretty pics he has drawn of the bloodbath that may or may not happen on Sunday.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

I want a dog. A little one

I really want a dog. I really want a miniature pinscher or even a miniature pinscher crossed with a pug.

I can't afford the initial outlay of £300 to £600 pound.

So this is my appeal rather like those ones you see on day time tv but a little bit more selfish.

I am not asking for £2 a month. Just £2.
If every one of my twitter followers or every one of my faceyb "friends" send me just £2 then I could afford a cute little puppy-wuppy.

You may be asking yourself "but what do I get out of this dougal?"
Well you will get the satisfaction of knowing that I have a cute dog. I will post pictures quarterly on various social media sites and I would be super happy.

Basically this is all about me.

So, give kindly to this important appeal

I accept PayPal and cash

Go on. Get me a dog. #dougalsdog
Please share this is your friends, families, colleagues and acquaintances.

Friday, June 15, 2012

When I realised I didn't care

I would honestly say that the last 6 or 7 months have been, to use a massive cliche, an emotional rollercoaster, ending in being dumped in a rather mean way. Yes I got dumped by text (again).
I was utterly distraught by this, but, I had a odd epiphany. That is to say I had an intuitive grasp of reality I didn't observe a church festival in commemoration of the coming of the Magi. I realised that I just don't care anymore. I just don't give a fuck.
That is not to say I am not still very much in love with the Dumper, cos I am. I miss him loads. But as the dumpee I am powerless in this situation. And hey I seem to have gained a quite awesome friend who says nice things. Not exactly what I was looking for but better than nothing I suppose.
This not giving a fuck feeling is great. In the classy establishment that is the co-op a lovely middle aged lady said "tut why she got to have all them tattoos?" her friend replied "I dunno but I bet she don't have a job" The best part of this was when I turned round, she works for the same company I do. There is a lesson here about taking your work ID off when not at work. These are the utter dick heads I have to deal with on a daily basis. I am not gonna change them and making a scene in the co-op, although enjoyable, is not going to achieve anything. I just can't wait to be in my local office so I can walk past this delightful ladies desk. I shall stop and say hello to her.
I think I have had all the emotions now. There are none left. My one remaining feeling was hurt and that's it. I am officially dead inside. Which nicely brings me back to zombies.
I now how have my team for 2.8 hours later. I want my team to know I will sacrifice each and every one of you if I need to. We are going to be running in Bristol so if you are let me know and say hello.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Seb Rock part 7

The saga continues and I put a bit more effort in today.

I am pleased with the outcome

Monday, June 11, 2012

How to survive the imminent zombie apocalypse

When I say Zombies I of course mean the Night of the Living Dead ones and not the ones from Haitian culture. I mean the brain eating ones and not the ones made by which doctors, sorcerers or possessed small children.

Before you plan your survival remember there are different types of zombie:
  • Reanimated from the grave
  • The infected
  • Further infectors
  • Vicious cannibal killers
  • The slow lumbering
  • Agile and intelligent 
Tailor your approach as needed when the Zombiegeddon comes. These are my tips on how to survive the imminent zombie apocalypse, an attack by the undead hungry for flesh, rotting corpses hell bent on your demise. You can use one or more of these to see if you make it out alive when the gates of the netherworld open.

  1. Stay inside. It seems the most obvious option but it is very rarely used. When choosing to stay inside pick your location wisely. A big mansion will be hard to defend. Try and go for a small flat, maybe in a tower block. Make sure you have supplies. If you are anything like me you don't have enough food in the cupboard to make it through the day. Maybe plan on staying inside at your local corner shop. If you live anywhere near me there will be an abundance of cheap vodka and Sterling super kings as well as freeze dried foods to last you. If you are a little more choosy try staying inside in the M&S food hall or even Waitrose.
  2. Run away. Again hugely over looked. Don't try and sneak away, or walk away. Run! Run really fast or maybe even drive. Steal a car if you have to. Go hide out at a motorway services such as Watford Gap or somewhere in the middle of the Cotswolds. Don't stay and fight, leave that to the professionals, that is what the army is for.
  3. Sacrifice. Now is not the time to make new friends or trying to re-establish old loyalties. Your life is on the line. Sacrifice those that will hold you back, slow you down, are stupid or just those that you don't like. If a zombie is coming for me I will not think twice about using you as a human shield.
  4. Find a scientist or someone who was at one point in an elite army unit. These are your keys to survival. They will know of a cure for the Zombies or be really good at blowing stuff up and have easy access to many weapons.
  5. Get Weapons. Put all that practise on COD in to good practise. But don't be a hero, be a camping sniper. It is better to hide behind a box than die. And if you can call in an air strike do it. This is not Hamburger Hill, don't wait till the last minute, do it now. "BROKEN ARROW". For close rand combat get items such as a baseball bat and an axe. You don't want to get too close to the brain munching bastards.
  6. This is not the time for romance. If you feel yourself making goo-goo eyes at one of the survivors kill them. One of you will inevitably die for the other eventually, might as well save yourself.
  7. Don't not make any of the following horror movie mistakes, they carry across well into real life:
     - If you hear a sound, especially an eery or inconprehensible one, do not investigate. Hide or run, it's probably something bad.
     - Do not split up. Stay together, even go to the loo in pairs or groups. there is strength in numbers.
     - Do not make friends with a pretty girl, especially one with big boobs. She is exactly the type of meal that zombies are looking for and she is probably really clumsy. She will take you down with her.
  8. Get a dog. Dogs are loyal and protective. They are very likely to try and protect you from a zombie attack. Smaller dogs can be used as weapons and thrown at zombies. This is true of many domestic animals, they can be more effective weapons if you set light to them prior to throwing them. If you have time pop to the local zoo. If the animals there are not zombified then try and train a tiger, lion or bear to be your sidekick.
  9. Water. With more and more of the nations residents becoming zombies it is likely that you will not have a supply of running water. Make sure you stock up. Maybe steal a tanker or just get all the bottles you can. The same applies to petrol or diesel depending on which car you have stolen to go on supplies runs.
  10. Communications. Make sure you have every which way possible of communicating. maybe get really retro and use MSN messenger. You are going to want to send for help. Help will more likely come in the form of Americans but don't let this bother you. Accept the help as their country may not have a zombie problem so in the long run you will be better off.
I hope these tips help and good luck. I might see you on the battlefield or I might see you in Walmart.

    Thursday, June 7, 2012

    Seb Rock part 6

    This is my ambitious Seb Rock yet and I am very pleased with the results.

    So here is today's results from the on going saga of one man with a pretty cool name but could do with some rock and roll improvements.

    Wednesday, June 6, 2012

    Seb Rock part 5

    Hope you all had a nice double bank holiday.
    Here is todays Seb Rock. Enjoy. And as alway send your ideas to me.

    One love.

    Monday, June 4, 2012

    But just who is #BlueEyes

    I have been asked recently who blue eyes is and what happened between us.

    If you don't know I am not going to tell you. The past few months have been such happy times, contrary to his opinion, that others sharing their thoughts on it will just take that away and that's not what I want.

    The few months when he was mine went so quick I really don't feel I got a chance and maybe he misjudged me. Sadly I can't change that. All I know is that it wasn't what he thought and it meant more to me than I let on.

    As for what happened, I don't really understand and I doubt I will get an explanation. It's not like I will run in to him at asda. It's a 2 hour drive to his local supermarket.

    I want so bad just to say hey and chat like we did at the start but I can't and that's the most upsetting thing. I lost that thing that I don't think I was actually meant to find.

    If you don't understand that don't worry. I guess I am still in The Smiths phase after all.

    Love you. Miss you. #BlueEyes

    Sunday, June 3, 2012

    Power Rangers Needed

    It's funny, I honestly have the best friends in the world. They have been awesome this past week when I have been feeling awful sad. Checking in on me and giving me the mate lines, you know, 'plenty more fish' and 'his loss'.

    I have been dealing with a lot better than I expected to be. I was given an awesome happiness kit, thanks Frankie Cocozza. The lovely texts from Barry calling me a prude and from LiLi insinuating he was have special alone times with some pics of me.

    This leads me to internet based acquaintances. They have been such lovely chaps and chapesses. Saying super nice things and being utterly hilarious. We have been having odd conversations that lead off on unexpected tangents.

    So, with this in mind Deano Peppers and I are recruiting for the yellow and beige Power Rangers to add to our line up. Must have own spandex and giant robot animal. Must be good at morphing and be mighty. If you can harness the power of the dinosaurs to overcome the forces of evil it would be most useful.

    If you are any good at lightspeed rescue, are a ninja storm or mystic force or you are a samuri get in touch.

    You know the rules, tweet me @DougalMcT

    Saturday, June 2, 2012

    my tattoos in pictures

    So there were reason behind these. Mainly to showcase my tattoos. They were only taken a few months ago but are all ready out of date as I have had some new work done. Thought I might as well share them with the world before i get old and/or fat.

    For photography details contact Emma:
    Twitter: @MOJOphotomakeup

    Contact me by not being mean and leaving a comment or on twitter @DougalMcT

    hot inked girls tumblr


    Hello. I feel you all should go over to 8oclockcomics
    And take a look at the work of Deano Peppers.

    He is a super artist and can take pics that look like this

    And make them look like this
    And drew me dressed up as a lemming like this

    Or like this