Right now I am so despondent. I can't believe how much my self esteem has suffered in just a week. I haven't been sleeping properly which is making me so tired during the day. I can't bring myself to do my hair or make up. I don't see the point.
Tomorrow the kid is 11. I have been working full time since she was 1. That was never easy. I missed out on so much. But I was always lucky that my sister helped me so much with childcare.
I always wanted to work. I wanted to provide all the awesome things and experiences in life for the kid. It's never really worked out perfectly. There has always been a broken car or a gas bill to pay.
Now though I feel further away from any of the things I wanted for me and her.
It's been a horrible week. It's only going to get worse.
It is the times like these when I wish I wasn't alone. But my mind keeps pissing me off
"hey, hey Dougal, why would anyone be interested in your life, you don't have a job"
"Oi Dougal, don't bother texting that boy, he has loads of women in his life, he doesn't need you"
"Yeah right, like you can do that job"
God I sound fucking miserable, well I am.
I say it every year, I hate christmas! Well this year I think I mean it more than ever.