Tuesday, February 11, 2014

That is not me

Sometimes I am not sure whether I should write some things, but this has been playing on my mind.

So here goes. 

This story with an innocent text message asking me a simple question "why do you have two Facebook profiles?" Well I don't. I instantly freaked. Long term readers will be aware of the lovely letter I got sent to my work or the twitter profile set up in my daughters name.

I got sent two pictures. As you can see yes there are two profiles of me on Facebook. Well I only have one so who is this other person

Now, most people these days use Facebook on their mobile or tablet. They tend to forget that you can set a URL for your facebook. That little bit right after facebook.com, so https://www.facebook.com/JohnSmith for example.

The kind fellow who sent me these pics was only two helpful in going on to a PC and emailing me the link to this page, as it seemed I had blocked me. Imagine my surprise when I received that link.


Go on click on it before it gets taken down.

If it has already been taken down here is a little pic.I have added some helpful arrow to show you the errors Danny Kissane seems to have made.

If you look the cover photo was changed on the 11th of September 2103, so who knows how long this account has been active.

So who is Danny Kissane you may ask. Well that is a very good question, well he is a nothing to me. He was the boyfriend of the kid's Godmother many moons ago. He is at best a mediocre DJ that works in The Hippodrome Casino in Leicester Square. He has no baring or consequence on my life.

I dug a little deeper in to this. Why would he go to the trouble of doing this. Well it turns out he had been talking to men, as me. Chatting up / hitting on / flirting with men. Whatever you want to call it, it without a doubt makes the story weirder, he has a girlfriend and as far as I know he is not gay. I don't know how many men but I want to truly apologise to the girlfriends of them men that may have got hurt during this. I suppose I should apologise to the men, you have been well and truly catfished. 

catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they're not using Facebook or other social media to create false identities, particularly to pursue deceptive online romances.

So are all these things linked. The letter, the twitter account the facebook. Well I can't prove they are. But if there are we have one sick individual on our hands. If they are not it is still a disturbing concept. 

So what next. Well the police have all these details. I have reported the page as fake. If you are friends with said page please remove it. 
Please take this tale of caution and beware that things on the internet are not all the seem. Keep in mind that there are some nasty, vindictive people out there.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Before I met you

Before I met him I existed.  I had friends (and enemies). Long lost loves and those that were not so far away. Oh and that depression thing that sometimes bothers my brain.

Over the last few months with him it has been a constant battle. My life and philosophies didn't fit. My down days were cause for annoyance. Some of my friends were not quite right. I lost one of these friends briefly, because I thought I could make things right with him.

I met him by accident, after a social experiment with a dating site. He made me laugh and we had so much in common. We played silly games over text and sent each other stupid pictures of our days. All that happy stuff that should happen. After the first date I drove home with a smile on my face. I didn't think I would hear from him. I was awkward and said all manner of ridiculous things. But he text me. I was elated.

I knew I wanted to see him again. We spent the weekend together and laughed a lot. It was what I had been looking for. Someone to share my life with in a way I had not done in such a long time.

As always with me it wasn't meant to be. I should have known that after the first blip. These issues were not ones that were likely to go away. But I was besotted. Maybe it was the idea of having a relationship, but more likely it was that I genuinely liked him.

I've said it once and I will say it again, I am terrible with intimacy. One-on-one talks about things that "matter" are not for me. I just want to curl up in a ball and hide away from them. I don't think shy is the right word to explain it, but I find it extremely uncomfortable, like a knickers that you bought when you were a size smaller but still insist on wearing. He wanted to talk so many things over, things that I didn't even see as issues. It made me want to pull away from him. Talk even less. not try and initiate them funny chats we used to have for fear of it becoming another drawn out discussion about feelings.

I don't think he is a bad person. In fact he is the perfect guy. Just not the perfect guy for me. I am sure out there is the girl he is looking for. I am not prepared to change to be that girl. You might think I am stubborn. I probably am. But I spent a lot of time in my life not being happy just to try and make the one I loved happy. At the grand-old-age of 31 I am not going to do that again.

It wasn't my past that caused the woes in this relatively short term relationship. It was the present. Social media was a constant cause of friction. Twitter, instagram, facebook. I wasn't doing it "right". I didn't change the type of interactions I was having on line and he didn't like them. Suddenly he was in my life so I should somehow behave differently both in real life and online.

Let's talk about my depression. It's under control. My medication has decreased and I no longer feel the need for sleeping tablets. I still struggle with sleeping but not to the extent I used to. I am by no means cured, but I am healthier. He struggled with it. I don't hold it against him. I have moments in my life when I just want to lay down, contemplate the world, cry for no reason. I cannot predict when these moments will happen, how long they will last or what triggers them. I do however have a support network in place. I am not in the right place to ask anyone else for help or let anyone else in to these dark places. I don't mind if you want to get in blanket fort and hide with me. You can bring a book to amuse yourself. What I don't need is the expectation that I want to, or have to, share what is in my mind. Most of the times I don't even have the words to describe it.

All I want from a relationship is fun an laughter. It doesn't always have to be deep and meaningful. That is not to say that it isn't deep and meaningful. There is no better feeling than laughing and smiling so much that it hurts your face. That's what I have with my friends. That is what I want with my partner.

I will leave you my dear readers, with a bit of advice. One night I was drunk in a classy establishment, I forget now whether it was Reading or Swindon. It's not relevant. I drunkenly told my friend that I loved her. Like you do in that drunk way, "I love you man, you're my best friend". Well we didn't have a drunken, teary, girly hug. No. She shouted at me "don't say it if you don't mean it".

She was right. She always is. Don 't say it if you don't mean it. But I would like to add, if you mean it, say it, say it with all your heart and soul, but be prepared to back it up.