Seb Rock part 3

Seb Rock is so important (apparently) he has a nameplate in his desk.
I have taken to tampering with it.

This is my latest effort. I shall keep putting new ones up every time he takes it down so get your ideas in.

Panic attacks

No reason other than I liked it

Panic attacks can be a very scary experience. I wouldn't recommend them to a friend
They irritate the shit out of me and there is nothing I can do to make them stop. I have tried believe me.

It's an irrational state of fear, despair and dread that often ends up in tears.


There is no route cause I can find to why they happen. I will be happy as Larry (Larry is notoriusly happy) on mean and the next I am freaking out like  Quagmire(C-3PO): "Just tell me right now that I don't have to stay in this room."

The often come at inconvienient moments. I will end up at my desk in tears or be at home on my own and only really want to talk to one person in the world but not feel confident enough that they would want to speak to me so not ring them.
They are very hard to describe it feels as if you are going to die. Your haert is pounding so much and it becomes hard to breathe. 
I have learnt more and more to just relax and breathe but you can get stuck in a loop where you worry about the attack which causes anxiety and therefore exasperating or casusing an attack.

Panic attacks are different to anxiety and are thought to occur more often in people with above average intelligence (so get you if you suffer maybe you can join mensa)
Anxiety is that butterflies in the stomach feeling, feeling like you want to run away, its worry basically. And who wants to worry? no one, cos it is rubbish.

Think I need an Alice tattoo

The most common (because its easiest) thing to do is to avoid the thing that is causing the anxiety. This is easy enough but it is not going to solve the problem in the long term. You need to face up to the things that worry you and find a way of dealing with them. And if they are out of your hands, so be it, let them go. Easier said than done I can assure you. I wish I could let things go. I wish I could just not worry and panic and cry.

I give myself all sorts of useful advice. I then take it upon myself to ignore my very good ideas. My most recent good idea to ignore was to fall in love. It's never a good idea to be in love when you are insecure with yourself. I feel like I am not good enough. Like I don't deserve it. And believing compliments is tough. Why would anyone love me why would they say nice things about me. I sound all a bit doom and gloom and woe is me but its not the case. I am feeling happy in my life recently. But there is always the fear "you're gonna walk away too" retrouvailles.

I have managed to follow one bit of my own advice. I am on day 146 of being straight edge. Still not having problems with it.

I am having problems with the fact that summer has just started though. Summer brings moths. I hate moths. They are the ghosts of butterflies here to haunt me and my lamp. I also hate butterflies, flappy devils.
If you have any advice for me let me know, leave a comment or send me a tweet @DougalMcT

 

Seb Rock part 2

Seb Rock is so important (apparently) he has a nameplate in his desk.
I have taken to tampering with it.

This is my latest effort. I shall keep putting new ones up every time he takes it down so get your ideas in.

Even more reasons to #BookHavoc

reasons 21-30 of: why @ThisIs_Progress should book @JimmyHavoc #BookHavoc

#21 He will make the coffee every morning—and bring us a cup when we wake up.

#22 He mind seeing chick flicks so will take all the ladies in the audience on a group date after (see also #DateHavoc)

#23 He'll clean up the mess he will inevitably make

#24 He has been checked and he is not contagious so we can't catch it.

#25 studies have shown watching suicidal, suicidal, suicidal wrestler boosts your immune system and releases endorphins and serotonin.

#26 As with quitting smoking, booking Havoc reduces your chance of heart attack or stroke

#27 The over use of profanity is a certainty. And everyone likes a good swear don't they.

#28 If Progress don't #BookHavoc they should feel very guilty and we will therefore be guilty by association. Progress should spare us the guilt.

#29 He will un-friend us all on Faceyb if he is not booked

#30 I have put a lot of effort making these up. I wouldn't want all this effort to go to waste.


Did you know: Ten Good Reasons is the debut byn Jason Donovan? That makes me better than him as I have got to 30.

Reasons 1-10
Reasons 11-20

Seb Rock part 1

Seb rock is so important (apparently) he has a nameplate in his desk.
I have taken to tampering with it.

So far I have had:
Seb Rock S
Seb Rock N Roll
Seb Rock The Casbah

This is my latest effort. I shall keep putting new ones up every time he takes it down so get your ideas in.

Tattoo plans - comments more than welcome

I believe faceyb to be the hopeless place that Rihanna and her beau fell in love in.

It is a desolate wasteland of sorrow, spite and conceit.

It's a terrible place where meaning is lost and arguments escalate.

So lets talk about something more cheery. Tattoos.

I have plans. Firstly Friday the 13th is coming up soon. I have a lovely 13 booked in with Scott Owens again. Scott is such a lovely tattooerist and a great friend to whine at. He also whines back which takes away some of the guilt associated with being whiny. I am also getting some more work done by him on the bottom of my right arm.

My left arm is going to be started soon by Leah Moule. Her work is beyond amazing. I love it. It is going to be done as one brightly coloured piece and I cannot wait.

I have a pin up girl planned for my right thigh. This was more Abis idea than mine but she pitched it to me so well I couldn't say no. I don't really have an artist in mind for this yet so if you have any suggestions do let me know. I haven't decided what style either, probably comic-booky but I am open to ideas.

My left leg of bent things needs more work so if you have any idiotic ideas of things that you would like to see let me know. I suggested someone get rainbow brite or a tamarin playing the fiddle the other day. Now I thinking they are not bad ideas and maybe I want them for myself. I still want a t-rex wearing a top hat. I think I might ask Sam Ricketts to do this for me as I am sure he has done a dinosaur that I liked before.

Another artist that I would like to get a piece from is Amy Savage. She is such an amazing talent. Also, I saw a little lighthouse that Andy Tragic did and fell in love with it. I really want one so I am going to give him a shout soon.

I want to get some more work from Shaun Bonanas. Not decided what yet but probably something nautical. Maybe the ships wheel and resurgent banner that will be for papa Telling.

Last but by no means least I really want to get a chess piece, a Bishop to be exact. I want this to look really realistic so again I am open for suggestions and not adverse to travelling around to see an awesome artist.

So as you see I have a lot of saving to do.

Lots more love and less careless whispers people.

I'm just a sucker with no self-esteem

I think very little of myself. I act like this big-headed prick. All confident and what have you. The truth is I would rather hide in a skip than have a deep and meaningful conversation. I don't feel my opinion is valid, which is one of the reasons I write so much. I can hide behind the internet.
To have self-esteem is a good thing. It's not conceited or narcissistic to think highly of yourself as long as you acknowledge your virtues and your faults. The opposite of self-esteem is self-rejection, a characteristic of depression.

If you read Mourning and Melancholia by Sigmund Freud you will find the depressive has suffered 'an extraordinary diminution in his self-regard, an impoverishment of his ego on a grand scale....He has lost his self-respect. I can't imagine you will read this so I will paraphrase: it explains how depression, anxiety, sleeplessness and the whole shebang come together to create low self-esteem.

I was talking to a lovely friend about it this evening. I feel I live in a perpetual state of: Meet someone, Fall in love, Get dumped, Cry, Repeat as necesssary. This isn't entirely true, I have done a lot of dumping myself but I am insecure that at any moment I am about to get binned off. Not just by #blueeyes but by friends too.

Don't feel sorry for me. It is just another part of my illness that I shall deal with. Just take it in to account that when you get a "i don't mind" or a sarcastic comment as a reply that there might be more of a reason than just me being awkward.

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