Feminism in my house

I came across this:
http://www.rockalily.com/blog/feminism-why-i-am-giving-up-high-heels.html
An awesome site and blog for all you rockabilly ladies out there. Here @ReeReeRockette states her case for giving up heels. I understand her cause but alas I cannot join. I love my heels. I spend too much money on them and have a corner in my room dedicated to my favourites.

Now @ReeReeRockette tweeted me saying: @kirstytelling he he! I didn't want to start a crusade ;-) Feminism promotes choice! Rock your heels! x

I promised her that this Saturday I would rock my converse and dedicate it to her.

This got me thinking. Where do I stand on stuff like this. I know I am not feminine, I swear like a sailor, burp like a real man, spend my weekends with football and f1 and will see any tree as a climbing challenge. I also don't know where feminists would stand on my dress sense. I have already mentioned the too short skirts.

For the past few years it has just been me and the little lady at home. Don't get me wrong her dad has her 50% of the time I'm not about to rant about him.

I try to set a positive example for the kid. We have sat down and talked in depth about how I work full-time as I want to pay my own way. I know it upsets her that we don't get a lot I time together. She tells me she wants me to be like the other mums that pick their kids up from school everyday. I hope that one day she appreciates what I do, not so we can live the high life, but so we are comfortable and don't have to worry about paying the gas bill.

We have also spoke about boyfriends. I'm not a man hater. I'm not really a woman hater either. I spend time with them in equal measures. Both sexes can be absolute bitches and both sexes can offer a shoulder to cry on. There is not a quality I prefer in either sex. Well apart from the penis, a good quality penis.
So where does that leave me?
I'm not sure. I know I am not an active feminist. But I understand and take to heart the worldwide issue of women's rights.
I hope I am setting a good example to the little lady. How to be a modern woman and work hard to get what you want. I also want her to, well I guess respect men. To find a man in your life for friendship or a relationship that fits you, your personality and lifestyle can be the best feeling in the world. But it can be the same with a woman I guess.

I am unsure and I guess time will tell as the little kid gets into a big kid.

Keep rocking awesome shoes of any heel height and check out http://www.rockalily.com

I do not look how I used to

In the past year, probably even in the last few weeks the way I look has changed quite a lot.

I feel more comfortable in myself now than I have since I was 20 (pre-pregnancy). However the way I look comes along now comes along with its own set of problems. I don't think I look extreme. I know of plenty of other girls out there who take tattoos, hair colour and style of dress a lot further than I do and I commend them. One day I hope my life has got to the point where I am free to express myself like them daily.

The way I look should not be confused with some misconceived stereotype you may have.

I am not in the bottom rung of my career, I am not the admin assistant here to do your bidding. I think I have been quite successful in what I do. I have a lot of love for my job and my team. Admittedly, no, I am not a super successful manager but nor would I want to be. The plan is to move onwards and upwards in what I do, not become one of them BMW driving business bitches I see in their power suits.

I am over the age of 18 so you can't really get away with calling me a silly little girl. I'm too old to be that and also it's just gosh darn rude.

Don't make the tattooed assumption of massive drinker who smokes roll ups. That's definitely not me. Still not drinking. High 5 me.

My hair is currently a reddy-pink masterpiece. Pay attention here comes the science
Majicontrast in red or magenta
9% creme developer
Rusk in hot pink
Ta da.

I think I am telling you all this because recently I have met with some, not discrimination, but some thing similar because of the way I look and dress.

I wear short skirts. I team these with high heels for work converse for play. I love mini skirts. I have lots. Team these skirts with the warm weather we have been having and it makes or a lot of tutting in my general direction. One such occurrence took place in a super market recently when a lovely lady took it upon herself to nudge her fellow shopper and say "look the warm weather brings 'em all out, and look at her tattoos too". What does this even mean? How have I offended this woman's eyes so badly just by standing in front of her. I had just finished work and I always wear dark black tights to work with my far too short skirts. So it's not like she could see my ass cheeks hanging out.

Another such occurrence happened to me during my working day. I may not be the most serious person you come across and I may not be super corporate but I know there is a time and a place to be professional. I also will do my work to the highest possible standard. When someone tries to get in the way of me doing my job, undermines my role and generally talks to me like utter shit I will not stand for it. It wasn't apparent to me on the day several people were behaving in a strange and rude manner towards me that it might be because of how I look until someone pointed it out to me. It's ridiculous but thinking back that is probably what happened.

Today's rant is really to ask you lot. To be a bit more open minded. And if you see me in the street come say hello. You can touch my hair if you like. Unless you are a chino, v neck, vans wearing douche.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha see what I did there.

Sun, sex and tattooed folk

I am just trying to lure you in with talk of sex. Of course I shall say inappropriate things, probably a bit too loudly in a pub near you, but I shall not ever tell you my dirty little secrets. Kiss and tell is not good form.

This Saturday we officially decided summer had started as a douche was spotted in lydiard park with his top off. It's not top off weather. It's no jumper weather. Maybe a cardigan for the late afternoon. It's not summer yet people it goes down to 2 degrees at night. Put some clothes on.

The weather however has been awesome for this time of year. Awesome that is in terms of warm days. Not awesome in terms of rainfall. We are officially in drought. Research it and find out the ways you can save water. This is an issue that is very close to my heart. I cannot stand people who do not turn off the tap when they brush their teeth. That may sound like I am making a joke but I am not. I cannot deal with it. It makes me so angry. Just turn the darn tap off.

So, yeah, my point was the sun is here. This means not only is my bag full with make up which needs to be reapplied hourly due to unnaturally watery eyes, but I will be carrying factor 50 everywhere with me. Probably Johnson baby factor 50, I like the way it smells. It's not like I don't like the sun. I do. I bloody love bein all warm and cosy. Especially with very little clothes on. I don't like sunburn.

I saw vast numbers of sunburnt people this weekend. Not only do I not want to risk skin cancer and looking old and wrinkly I specifically do not want to fade my tattoos. Sorry for getting all Baz Luhrmann on you there. If you really must be tanned get a spray tan. I can't bloody stand spray, mousse or any other kind of fake tan but if you really must do it then let me come watch so I can look at you naked.

I spent my weekend with some unexpected ladies. Although they are super friends we have not really spent this much time with each other in a long time. It was really good to talk and learn that the things I write and say are helping people understand their own issues or the issues of others.

Keep your questions and comments coming in. You'll get nothing but the truth back from me.

Kisses, but only on the cheek in a continental fashion.

A lot can happen in 60 days

The past 60 days have been interesting.

I have been to work
Met a person I admired
Been off work
Had a breakdown
Got a bit better
Spent time with the person I admire
Been back to work
Been so sad
Been so happy

This is not a full list. But a lot has happened.

β-blockers have been a bit of a bitch to me. I have been prescribed propranolol to help me deal with the anxiety that consumed me. They work by diminishing the effects of stress hormones such as adrenaline. This means no panic, no fight or flight response and what I can only say is lots of pain. I was thinking why I wasn't dealing well with tattoos lately and it makes sense that it is in part due to
β-blockers. It's gonna take me longer to finish my first sleeve than anticipated. I don't wanna get more tattoos whilst I am ill-equipped to deal with the pain.

This particular boy has my heart in the palm of his hand (biffy clyro guys). I'm not sure he knows but he should. His presence has been a significant calming influence to me. I don't know what will happen in the future and I don't wanna question what we may or may not have. All I know is that he makes me happy. Adjusting to thinking differently about this situation is hard. But it's well l'oreal.

I think I was, for a short while, in danger of becoming addicted to sleeping tablets. I have none left and had a good few days when sleeping was a struggle. I did however get through these few days. I am not really sleeping properly still. I usually wake up between 3 and 4 in the morning then am not quite awake and not quite asleep until my alarm goes off. Then my brain decides it must be asleep which is a bit of an annoyance since I have gone back to work. I am surviving on a lot of redbull at the moment just to make it through that long car journey down the m4.

Being told about and given a book about cognitive behavioural therapy has helped with a lot of the issues that get in my brain and cause me to hide in bed. The basics of cbt are that you feel the way you think, put simply; you are more happy if you think in a more healthy and happy ways. It's an easy concept and it's really helping me with the anxiety and depression that I have told you all about. It's also helping me with the self esteem issues I keep in my head. I am a very shy person. This is a fact that many find hard to believe. I have no problems standing in front of a group of senior managers at work and talking about stuff I feel passionate about. In a big group of people I can hold my own. Put me in a more intimate situation me and you in a room sat face to face and talking and I will want to hide. Ask me to talk about how I am feeling or what has lead me to become so melancholy and I will shy away and skirt around the answers. I feel safer blurting on my feelings on this blog than I do ringing my closest friends and telling them that I need help.

Since being back to work I have changed my outlook on it. I still struggle with the values that I feel are forced upon me. I do however feel more comfortable in my role. I love my job and the people it puts me in touch with and I have a new found 'hunger' to pursue my goals.

Things are better for me. I'm not cured, I'm in no way the person I was before but I'm focusing my attention on the stuff that matters to me and not on the stuff that makes me want to hide from the world.

Pros and cons

So I was sat here writing a list of pros and cons of a situation I find myself in.

Then it occurred to me what does pro mean and what does con mean?

Good and bad I guess.

Well here is a definition:
Pro - in favour of (good)
Con - against (bad)

I thought it would be more complex than that but it's not. I am an actual idiot sometimes.

A weekend 120 miles from home

I said on Friday that I was gonna have a better weekend than everyone else. This included everyone in the known universe.

This weekend I achieved nothing. I drove 120 miles away. This is not an achievement it's a drive. I then had the best weekend ever. Nothing massively exciting in terms of exciting weekends happened. I didn't bungee jump or go white water rafting. But I was so happy and content in an orange aero bubble away from the real world just for a little bit.

I met some awesome people whilst on my adventure. And I wanna give a big hello to the guy that stared at me the whole of Friday night, the guy that insisted I should have one of his beers continuously on Saturday night and the girl that shouldn't have been there as she should have been telling lies at weight watchers.

Saturday was st Patrick's day as you all probably know. It caused strange scenes of girls with very little clothes on and boys wearing green v necks. Oh and of course the hilarious guiness hats. It's a strange ritual that the British undertake once a year; getting utterly smashed out of their face to celebrate one of the more well know patron saints of Ireland.

Sunday morning came with he joyous news that my boy Jenson had won in Melbourne. I have a good feeling for him this season. But, that short walk back to the car made my heart sink cos heading back to reality is always hard.

So I drove 120 miles back home drinking lots of redbull and singing along to the songs on kerrang. It's not a sad story though. It's a happy story...

Cognitive behavioural therapy tells us that depression can be cured. I am
Not destined to a lifetime of tablets. My technique for interrupting ruminative thinking is when I catch myself lost deep in thought is to change the subject. Think of them moments when you truly felt safe and secure. They may be fleeting but they exist and they can be a more permanent fixture .

So I had a great weekend. I am sure you lot have them all the time. But this time mine was better.

Kisses and Jaffa cakes. X

Sexy cartoon characters

Been in bed for half an hour now. Cannot sleep I have a headache and no sleeping tablets. I believe I am doing what is technically known as clicking.

So here is a list of sexy cartoon characters.

Jessica Rabbit. Obviously.

All the disney princesses except snow white. She is just a bit dull looking

The girls from the thundercats: cheetara and pumyra (snarf snarf)

She-ra the princess of power (adora) who was he-mans twin sister

Leela from futurama.

Carmen Sandiego. But where is she?

Jessie from Pokemon. Team rocket are blasting off again.

Probably more, but all this nostalgia has made me think of the animals of farthing wood and in turn watership down. Now I'm just sad for the rabbits. Bright eyes...

Emo pikachu is sad because you are playing with digimon

Miss Fuck You
in the style of Bruce Timms