Sorry I was being mean there. Of course i love you my devoted readers. Well most of you. But i bet some of you are mean and say nasty things.
I'll give you an example. This text arrived in my inbox:
"my life is on track unlike yors going off the rails anti depressants live in a fucking dive thinking your now some rock persona ppl talk we all see it kirsty"
No lets not talk about the spelling or grammar, words is my job and it would upset me. Let's discuss the content.
Going off the rails - Not quite sure how. I have a full time job at a company I have been at for 8 years (ish) now. I don't own my flat but then who would want to. It is such a burden. But I have a roof over my head. Been here for 6 years. I don't have a lot of money but I have enough for me and the little lady to get by. I don't drink smoke or do drugs. I'm not really sure what these rails that I have gone off are.
Antidepressants - Not sure why this would be used against me in spite. I guess some people just can't accept mental health issues. I have been very unwell and scared when I have been depressed. Getting help has really helped me see the world differently. I have found it very hard to talk to anyone about it. It is so hard to explain that I am trapped in my head and cannot get out. I am not sad, i am not feeling a bit down I have lost the will to exist. Someone said to me today I was the happiest depressed person they know. I have rare moments of happiness, but I am not happy. I love laughing and I love having fun, doing things just because, but happy is not what I feel. Medicine is the best treatment for me right now.
Living in a dive - Dive: Informal, relaxed, "neighborhood" bar or restaurant. Sometimes cool, sometimes shitty.
I will be the first to admit that housework is not for me. I can't remember the last time I cleaned the car inside or out. Sometimes I will get the hoover out and then just get in bed cos I can't face it. yes I am a mess, but really a ghetto bar? It's not a working mens club in here. The floor isn't sticky. Well one time I spilt my redbull and that made a right awful sticky mess. I mopped it up though.
thinking your now some rock persona - no, no I don't. there is nothing rock and roll about me. I go to bed early. I drive a 206. I love tomato soup. I do bloody love shouty rock music but I also know all the words to Sclub7 - Reach. Do I look rock and / or roll maybe? I don't think I do. It's winter time. Hoodies and jeans for me. That's not rock. Unless they are leather studded hoodies.
ppl talk we all see it kirsty - Do they? Do they really? Well these are the ones that can go fuck themselves. I am sure they are not friends of mine if they think saying the above kinds of things are nice. They may be people on the outskirts of my life who think they know me. If up until this point they were my friends they now need to know that I do not need their negative influence on my life.
No wonder I'm fucking depressed.