Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Dating at 32

I've had some friends in relationships say they love their dating life through me. I'm probably the worst example to choose. 

I'm my foray in the dating world I have found just two types of men. 
1. The man who likes you
2. The man that doesn't like you but would still have sex with you, especially if said man has had a couple of beers

Now, this is not a feminist attack on men. This is just my interpretation.  

Both types have quite distinctive flaws.

I have heard it said that men fall in love after 3 dates and women after 14. I think there is an air of truth about this. The man that likes you wants to tell you and they want to tell you as quick as humanly possible. They want to be in your life, know your life and fill your time. 

That's cool, if that's what you want. But if it's so soon after meeting you feel smothered.  Sometimes I want to sit in my Star Wars pyjamas and watch 17 episodes of Community whilst eating peanuts and not have a ton of guilt about not texting back immediately.

The man that doesn't like you will exhibit the exact same behaviours on a date as the man that does like you. He may even display the same pattern of communication. However, if you have sex with this man any time from date 1-3 you will not hear from him again. If you don't have sex with him you won't hear from him again after date 3.

 At least not in the short term. 

This man may reappear though. That surprise message just saying 'hey' out of nowhere. You have been warned. 

Sometimes, just sometimes, you meet someone you laugh with, have amazing sex with and will contact you again.
You meet someone, that likes you. Someone that doesn't want to invade your space. That doesn't feel the have to save you. That lets you be yourself even if you do make up awful power ballads about the broken heating in your car.

That is rare though. 

I wouldn't live vicariously through me unless you really enjoy hoping. 


  1. I know this is old and you dont blog much anymore. I found your blog through looking up what the tattoo flu was and a reply you made with your blog link in it. Random i know. Anyway, love doesnt have to be that hard. I found that when i stopped trying so hard and caring so much it always worked out. One thing the beginning shouldnt be is work. I sleep with him on the first date if i want. We've been together 4 years and have a toddler. Same with my last 2 relationships. Slept with them pretty quickly because i wanted to. It was about my needs not theirs and we were together years. Alternatively, men i don't feel that instant magnetic pull to. That gives me butterflies and stay up all night talking and touching kind of feeling i don't waste my time. You cant force what isn't there.
    What you need to do is be happy within yourself. This is hard when you have super low self esteem and mental illness like we do. So all you can do is try. I started yoga and meditating and working out. It helps so much. I started knitting, crocheting, designing and making my own clothes, home decor, painting, and more. It took hours and weeks to perfect and I'm still growing at these hobbies but they are me. It's what i like to do. It gives me time to just be me and focus on me without the mind numbing background noise of the tv, the obsession i have of my children, the stress of long term relationships and working on them, the hurtful shit thats all over the internet telling every woman she's not good enough, etc. And when i became more sound and calm in myself it drew other people to me. They could see i wasnt trying anymore. That i wasnt going to work to keep them in my life if they didnt want to be there. That my life and world didnt revolve around them.
    There's a lot more to this but maybe you catch my drift.
    I may be an annoying sometimes beauty blogger but I'm deeper than that. Just like every woman. We all have things we love and thats one of my passions. It doesn't make me any less intelligent, interesting or problem ridden. Open your mind and your life to different types of people. The end result might change that way. And dont think youre not good enough for friends like "those" because thats only you that thinks that. I think people will surprise you if you let them.

    1. Hey. Thanks for your kind words. I have taken some steps recently to stop trying so hard to be happy and just exist. I have deleted all dating apps and cut some really toxic people out of my life. I don’t have much time for hobbies with work, college, parenting and napping really but I am saving to travel to some cool places I haven’t been to before.

    2. Oh I forgot to say. Tattoo flu shouldn’t last more than a day or two.