One thing I have learnt is don't sweat the small stuff. Shit if I did I would be sobbing continuously.
Another lesson sadly learnt this weekend is don't be quick to trust. It needs to be earned and not given immediately.
I make no bones about the fact I wear my heart on my sleeve. I can't help but tell the truth. And I often put myself out there.
This needs to stop. I need to take a stand back. People on the whole are not what you expect them to be.
Look at me. A lot of you probably think I am the loud mouth tattooed prick. Well yeah I am a bit of a prick. But I am so shy it hurts.
Lets talk about boys again. If there is someone I really like. I can't talk to them. I can't look them in the eye. I can shy away and ultimately make a cock of myself. I would turn in to a teenager, with no clue about the real world. A dribbling, mumbling mess who fails at basic communication.
Ultimately I unload my heart and soul to be quickly rebuffed.
So what do I do? Start so kind of covert operation? Shall I be all aloof and uncaring? It would feel wrong of me to put on a mask and not show the real me. I would rather shout from the roof tops "I think you're awesome and I sometimes pee with the bathroom door open".
I am not sure i can overcome my shyness that makes me so very socially awkward. i do however think I can become that uncaring bitch I am thought to be. Fuck it if you choose to write me off before you know me or not give me a chance that's hardly my problem.
So, no more trusting, not until it's earned.