Sunday, August 19, 2012

Things not to ask a tattooed person

Visible tattoos will bring you attention. This attention will be good and bad. Being a girl will just add to the attention. People won't understand where you have come from. A girl, with tattoos, on her arms, out in the real world, not on tv, or in a magazine.

Yeah I live in a sheltered town. Or maybe in a sheltered world. Or maybe I just need to get out more.

Below you'll find a list of things that under no circumstances you should ask a tattooed person. We have heard them before and we are bored of thinking witty come backs.

Can I see your tattoos? - No. Well yeah you can if they are on show otherwise no. I have no desire to take my clothes off and show my flesh to you. Firstly that would be hugely inappropriate in a public place. Secondly I probably don't even like you.
Do you have any I can't see? Can I see them? - Yes, yes I do have tattoos that you can't see but as above no you can't see them.
Are they real? - No they are not. I have so much time on my hands I choose to draw the same designs on me each morning with sharpies. I like to put that much effort in to practical jokes.
How much did they cost? -  How much do you spend when you go out every weekend? I bet you don't wanna tell me that. Bet it's a regretful amount though. Yes, I spend a lot of money on being tattooed and I will again in the future spend lots more money. the amount though is really nothing to do with you.
Why have you got so many? - I like them. They are pretty. They are my art. along with the art on my wall. But that is also a collection in process. And hey I would like to return fire with the question why haven't you got as many as me or even why do you not have any? You won't know you don't like it till you try it.
You're not going to get any more are you? - Yes, yes I am. This is such an intrusive question. What the hell has it got to do with you? The number and size of my tattoos should be of no significance to you. Unless you are a dickhead bar manager or bouncer who wants to refuse me entry to your idiot bar.
What do they mean? - Absolutely shit all. They are just really cool pictures. This is not miami, LA, New York or London ink., these are not the stories of the harrowing time I dropped a pound down a drain and really wanted a can of coke that I could no longer afford. Nor are they about my flat mates, aunties dog which died trying to rescue a dolphin from a well back in 'nam - Cheltenham.
Do you regret them? - No I don't but tell me this, do you regret your failed relationships or that time you died your hair black and looked so pale people though you were a ghost.
What happens when you get married? - Hopefully I will live happily ever after. It's as simple as that. Oh hang on do you mean ladies with tattoos don't wear wedding dresses. I am sure they do. I bet all that white looks better with a bit of colour next to it.
What will you look like when you are old? - Awesome and colourful. And who says I am going to get old anyway. There could at any point be a meteor hitting the earth causing a mass extinction event.

Thanks for your time. Peace, love and puppy dogs.


  1. Listen, I have more in common with you than you think. I know you won't agree till the end, but here it goes.

    I'm 46, no tattoos, hairstyle is less conservative than most professional men my age, but still tame. An architect, so a cross between anal retentive, and artistic free for all.

    However, I act 30. I know that sounds old to you, but it's not. I would dye a red or blue streak in my hair in a heartbeat. I've tempted getting a tattoo before. I guess I fold to the peer pressure, like you don't. I say, be strong, and be who you are.

    This is, by far, the best blog I've seen in a while. I've sort of been into the British chick bloggers since the Olympics. After the beautiful scenery shots, I took the effort to trace my roots back to a small hamlet that shares my last name (and that of your soccer star) very close to the ocean in Norwood.

    Thanks for letting me read it.

    1. Thanks for your kind words. I really do appreciate them. I shall take a look a your writing later this evening.

  2. Thanks. It'd be awesome to have you as a follower. My blog sort of developed by women commented, and I play up the "hot chick" thing.