Monday, November 17, 2014


I have always said my life is just me stumbling from one calamity to the next.

Right now I am so despondent. I can't believe how much my self esteem has suffered in just a week. I haven't been sleeping properly which is making me so tired during the day. I can't bring myself to do my hair or make up. I don't see the point.

Tomorrow the kid is 11. I have been working full time since she was 1. That was never easy. I missed out on so much. But I was always lucky that my sister helped me so much with childcare. 

I always wanted to work. I wanted to provide all the awesome things and experiences in life for the kid. It's never really worked out perfectly. There has always been a broken car or a gas bill to pay. 

Now though I feel further away from any of the things I wanted for me and her. 

It's been a horrible week. It's only going to get worse. 

It is the times like these when I wish I wasn't alone. But my mind keeps pissing me off 

"hey, hey Dougal, why would anyone be interested in your life, you don't have a job" 
"Oi Dougal, don't bother texting that boy, he has loads of women in his life, he doesn't need you"
"Yeah right, like you can do that job"

God I sound fucking miserable, well I am. 

I say it every year, I hate christmas! Well this year I think I mean it more than ever. 


  1. Oh no. :( what's happens? i'm sure you find a nother job soon sure. yor daughter will be thankful always for what you sacrifices.

  2. Every now and again when I'm heading to Swindon you and the kid pop into my head. So I came here to wish you well in 2015, as I'm unable to contact you through other means. Shame your 2014 hasn't gone well, so for whatever it's worth I hope 2015 picks up.

    It might also be worth remembering that, even if you can't provide all the things you wanted for her, the kid is turning out to be a pretty awesome one, from what I remember of her... So be proud of that?

    Have fun.