Tuesday, September 4, 2012

The ups and downs of the depressive mind

Yes I am still depressed. Some times more than others.
When I feel myself going to a real low I get a tattoo (or two)
An incident today feels a bit like a kick in the teeth, I just want to hide under my covers and give up again. I feel teary and have taken to eating far too many malteasers. They are nice though.
Things have been going great lately. Wonderful friends being wonderful and doing fun things with them. Super awesome man who says lovely things. Work is, well, work. Got a lovely photoshoot booked up to make me rich and famous.
Then I had to go see a medical professional. One with no previous knowledge of me and only a short understanding of my medical history.
The session went well, 45 minutes of telling me I have issues that I really should speak to a counsellor about mixed with probing questions and some quite good advice.
The session ended on this though "you do look rebellious though, that might be your problem, do you dress that way for work?"  It felt like being kicked in the teeth. I know I am judged on my appearance. I know I judge others on their appearance. It's a fact of life that we cannot avoid. But for a medical professional who I assumed was looking to help me with conditions that sometimes get the better of me it was shocking.
Being sat in work this afternoon has been a lonely place. Feeling that I don't fit in. I even researched in how to get my orange/ginger/blonde hair to a 'normal' brown. Maybe I should just try and conform more. I am nearly 30, I should really grow up.
The thing is I know they way I look isn't for everyone and it really doesn't bother me. The people I care about know who I am and know I will go on decorating my skin and doing stupid things to my hair.
So, the point was I feel down. I know I am feeling the way that tends to lead me to be in bed for a long time. I am sure my lovely flat mate won't let that happen as she loves getting me out of bed, I think it is her hobby.
Anyway, got them tattoos booked. Getting a couple of new ones on Saturday 22nd.


  1. I happen to like brutally honest, offensive and crude. That's what my blog is about too. I enjoyed reading this....for some reason..lol.

    1. I went back and checked out older posts, and it's even better than I thought.

      There is no "follow me" button for blogger.

    2. I think there is on the main site. I am @dougalmct on twitter.

    3. Thanks,
      I followed. Hope it's ok. I can be a twit, but don't use it much. You may like the humor of my blog site. Kind of nutty like yours. www.sssporchparty.com.

  2. Trust me I'm nearly 40 never grow up its boring, I tried it once scariest 30 seconds of my life.