Sickness and the single mum

I think the big-mouth-on-the-Internet lady met her match this week and it's name is germs.

I NEED TO GET BETTER THIS IS HARD WORK.

Had a lovely Monday at work followed by a lovely evening with HD and the kid. Went to bed as normal. Woke up at 4am on the Tuesday feeling like death had come for me and not quite finished the job. I have now been in bed for 48 hours with occasional trips to the bathroom to vomit and break the toilet seat. And I did manage to sit on the sofa for a bit.

My glands are swollen so much I cannot move my neck and standing up causes the worlds worst headache to become a sharp pain like someone has stabbed me in the skull. This then caused me to be very dizzy and ultimately be sick. Oh and then there is moving. I feel like my body has been hit in every single area with a baseball bat. Even my little toes ache. If you want to come round and see me phone ahead so I have an hour or so to get to the door.

Herein lies the problem. Not the sickness, everyone gets sick, that's life. But, trying to cope with the sickness and the kid, on my own.

During day 1 of the sickness the kid was well behaved and awfully helpful bringing me drinks and getting my bag which contains all the tablets I need to keep me going; anti-depressants, beta blockers, pain killers.

The kid made her own lunch, a chicken roll, and lucky enough we were sent a feast of a delivery by a super awesome person that the kid went to the door to collect and chowed down on.

Day 2 started well but the kid grew impatient and bored. I couldn't entertain her as i can bearly lift my head . Except for the occasional sneeze where I bite my tongue I have nothing.

Luckily her dad was kind enough to pick her up for a few hours.

Them few hours left me time to think. It's times like these that I wish I had someone around to help out. They don't need to be immediately around. Not even in the same town. But just someone I can cry on when I feel this bad. I can honestly say this is the sickest i have ever felt. And I can also say I honestly felt like I needed someone around to help.

I know my friends would be here in a second. SD was super enough to offer her assistance. But what I really need is a hug. And that's not the same from a friend. And SD and I have a strictly no hugging rule. (love you bestie)

I haven't felt like i needed help in a long time. It's not a nice feeling to me. It left me wanting to climb back in my shell and hide even more.

I'm hoping to wake up feeling amazing and cured tomorrow. The fact is though it's nearly midnight. I can't sleep. I feel like I am dying. My alarm goes off at 6am. I can't see day 3 being much better.

Oh and I left my painkillers in the front room so I just had some calpol. It was the nearest thing.

Reasons to get better:
1. Guns and Roses tribute band Friday night
2. Hen do in Windsor Saturday nigh
3. Miss q10 immensely
4. Silverstone grand prix at the pig on Sunday

Seb Rock part 8

Seb between a rock and a hardplace

@addictingtattoo

The best I can do with a shit phone camera when I'm on my own on a Friday evening.

How to get over heartache

We have all experienced the pain of heartache. It's a horrible helpless feeling that can't really be explained. The lovely @obscurethingy thinks you should "wallow in it; enjoy every bitter sweet moment."

As a seasoned professional now I feel that is is only fair that I share my handy hints on how to deal with the situation, not like a grown up, but like every other fucker in the world would deal with it although they would deny this.

1. Hide away from the world - You are an utter mess. You emotions are up and down more than normal happy folk care to know about. Your need to hide away in you room under your duvet where your tearful, puffy, red, forlorn face cannot be seen by the public. They don't need you bringing them down.
2. Text - Ignore helpful texts from friends. Instead spend as much time as possible sending texts to the one that made you feel this way. This will make you feel like an utter dickhead a few months from now, but don't worry about that live in the moment. Some ideas for texts are:
   Shock- I can't believe you are doing this
   Anger - I hate you so much
   Sex - How about a quickie for old times sake
   Love - I love you so much
   Resignation - Make that fake resignation, lets be friends.
   Make sure that the message you send are extrememly long so it will bore their intended recipient. 
3. Social media - make sure you share every single tiny little bit of your heart ache on all available social networks.
   Facebook - long winded status about how sad you are and can't beleive this has happened, when a friend asks if you are ok you must reply either; I don't want to talk about it, or I'll text you it's personal. Maybe post some sad songs on there off youtube. Finally change your picture to a sad but cute thing.
   Twitter - As many tweets as you can about how sad and hurt and deep you are.
   Instagram and Tumblr - Sad, sad, sad pictures with emo tags and titles. Make sure you also post these to twitter and facebook.
4. Food - Now you have two options when it comes to food. Firstly you lay in bed eating all available food in your house then order out for more food with added extras and drinks with all the sugar. Get fat and sweaty and cry more. Or the other option is do not eat. This one is more for women. Don't eat apart from maybe a boiled egg a day and some diet coke. You will then be told that being dumped agrees with you and you are hot and thin. Thin doesn't mean hot but people will say it to humour you.
5. Have a great time - Go out, get hammered, get in as many hilarious photos as possible, cry over the person in the pub toilet, sleep around. All of these things will make you feel momentarily better and the aftermath of the hangover, the untagging on facebook, the hilarious Oh Em Gee look at me I am so funny on facebook and the inevitable chlamydia will make you forget the sad, sad pain deep in your soul.

My final advice to you is cry. Cry so harder your neighbours can hear you. Wail like a baby. Cry so much that your eyes and throat both run out of any kind of liquid substance. Once all of this is done cry some more. Cry them sad little tears of memories and what might have beens when you are laying in bed at night.

If you're anything about me when the crying stops you will meet someone new to stomp all over you and when you do refer back to this list.

An example of number 3, social media

The Big Dig

So, why WaterAid? The company I work for is a proud supporter of WaterAid, an international charity dedicated to helping people in developing countries gain access to safe water, sanitation services and hygiene education. We have helped thousands of the world's poorest people gain access to the very things we all sometimes take for granted - safe water and sanitation.

I donate to WaterAid monthly and there are always activities going on to help raise even more.

Water is something that is taken for granted. We turn on the tap and there it is. I have heard many times people putting forward their arguments about why they think water should be free. In-between water falling from the sky to coming out the tap there is a whole process to make it clean and potable.

WaterAid’s Big Dig appeal aims to bring clean, safe water to 134,000 people in some of the poorest communities in rural Malawi. You can follow this online http://www.thebigdig.org/ and you can donate at http://www.thebigdig.org/spread-the-word/ The UK Government will match donations pound for pound, but only until 18 September – so we need all the support we can get right now.

So get involved, donate as much as you can spare and get tweeting, sharing and adding The Big Dig news to your timeline.

#thebigdig

Campaign 2. #DateHavoc

We succeeded. We won the Internet. The #BookHavoc campaign worked, Havoc was booked.

He is fighting Danny Garnell this Sunday at Chapter 2 of Progress Wrestling. It's kinda like the end of Star Wars episode 3: Revenge of the Sith when Anakin fights Obi Wan. Havoc better win or I will hit him with a chair myself. I told him this earlier and little Jimmy seemed to like the idea of it.

Anyhow let's move on to campaign number 2. #DateHavoc. This is a targetted campaign directly at Zooey Deschanel

If ou are lurking around on twitter and a little bored why not get involved. Tweet Zooey Deschanel and tell her how great Jimmy is. It's also nice if you give her a reason why Jimmy is great or what a lovely date they could go on.

I am going to get working on some reason to #DateHavoc while I am doing this why not pop over to see Deano Peppers at 8oclockcomics and see what pretty pics he has drawn of the bloodbath that may or may not happen on Sunday.

I want a dog. A little one

I really want a dog. I really want a miniature pinscher or even a miniature pinscher crossed with a pug.

I can't afford the initial outlay of £300 to £600 pound.

So this is my appeal rather like those ones you see on day time tv but a little bit more selfish.

I am not asking for £2 a month. Just £2.
If every one of my twitter followers or every one of my faceyb "friends" send me just £2 then I could afford a cute little puppy-wuppy.

You may be asking yourself "but what do I get out of this dougal?"
Well you will get the satisfaction of knowing that I have a cute dog. I will post pictures quarterly on various social media sites and I would be super happy.

Basically this is all about me.

So, give kindly to this important appeal

I accept PayPal and cash
Kirsty_telling@hotmail.com

Go on. Get me a dog. #dougalsdog
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