When I realised I didn't care

I would honestly say that the last 6 or 7 months have been, to use a massive cliche, an emotional rollercoaster, ending in being dumped in a rather mean way. Yes I got dumped by text (again).

I was utterly distraught by this, but, I had a odd epiphany. That is to say I had an intuitive grasp of reality I didn't observe a church festival in commemoration of the coming of the Magi. I realised that I just don't care anymore. I just don't give a fuck.

That is not to say I am not still very much in love with the Dumper, cos I am. I miss him loads. But as the dumpee I am powerless in this situation. And hey I seem to have gained a quite awesome friend who says nice things. Not exactly what I was looking for but better than nothing I suppose.

This not giving a fuck feeling is great. In the classy establishment that is the co-op a lovely middle aged lady said "tut why she got to have all them tattoos?" her friend replied "I dunno but I bet she don't have a job" The best part of this was when I turned round, she works for the same company I do. There is a lesson here about taking your work ID off when not at work. These are the utter dick heads I have to deal with on a daily basis. I am not gonna change them and making a scene in the co-op, although enjoyable, is not going to achieve anything. I just can't wait to be in my local office so I can walk past this delightful ladies desk. I shall stop and say hello to her.

I think I have had all the emotions now. There are none left. My one remaining feeling was hurt and that's it. I am officially dead inside. Which nicely brings me back to zombies.

I now how have my team for 2.8 hours later. I want my team to know I will sacrifice each and every one of you if I need to. We are going to be running in Bristol so if you are let me know and say hello.

Friday night with music

Its Friday night, I am sure loads of you are out there having a super great time. I am at home switching between Kerrang and MTV Rocks whilst getting annoyed at the channels inbetween and occasionally stopping at Q when they have the odd good track. I will keep you up to date with the playlist.

Foo fighters - the pretender

My first thing I want to tell you all about is the response to my writing. I never in a minute expected this response to it. I started it 7 weeks ago on the advice of a super awesome entrepreneur and friend. At the time of me writing this I have had 786 views. That has really touched me. And the nice things people have been saying about it has had me in tears (the good kind). Being called brave and an inspiration are really not things I would expect to hear. I am so happy I can connect with you guys. And the person that called me 'fuckin amazin' I think the same of you. Thank you for opening up to me.

Led Zepplin - Kashmir

Something I have learnt from the messages I have received and the people I have spoken with is that I am not alone in this crazy, mixed up mental illness we call depression. People have commented to me that they never expected me to be sick in this way. I can see exactly their point when you guys open up to me and tell me you feel the same and you are taking X or Y tablets for it. I never expected my honesty to mean so much to you. I will never tell anyone the things you have told me, they are our secrets.

Lady Gaga - you and I
Muse - plug in baby
I want to also say thanks to Q10. Q10 has been amazing. I have had such a hard week. I can't pinpoint the exact reasoning but I have felt myself slipping backwards. It feels so hard to breathe sometime. I have spent the week in a state of total panic which is not going away. You know that feeling when you have butterflies in your tummy and your heart is pounding. I have been like that almost constantly except them few hours when I sleep.

Rihanna - we found love
Thanks for all the tattoo love. The next one is already planned and will be with us in 4 weeks. A lot of you have asked me for advice. All I can say is: research your artist, travel if you have to and pay good money. A cheap tattoo is a shit tattoo. I have a few of them myself. And if you are going to inflict pain and suffering on yourself in the name of art please invite me. Especially if you are going to Mantra in Cheltenham, I love these boys they are probably the best people you will come across in your life - go give them your money! (this is not an advertisement, maybe go to Wood Street instead)

Motorhead - ace of spades
You me at six - the consequence
Guns and Roses - sweet child of mine
Rizzle kicks - mama do the hump

The above list of tracks make me seem like I am really slow at typing,  I'm not, I was on twitter. Some of you even recieved a text during this interval.

Jessie J - Price tag
Tenacious D - Tribute

Seeing as we are doing thanks I wanna thank the super lady who bought me a ticket to see Ed sheeran, this will be amazing. And I wanna thank you, you know who you are, you are my favourite person right now! Oh and get me, I have been off the drink for over 4 weeks now!!!

Peace out for now dudes. You know where I am, probably at home, if not at SDs house, at the garage buying redbull, work, the liden, or on twitter @kirstytelling

Biffy clyro - the captain

Thanks guys - it means I love you in sign language

I want to say thanks to all readers for sending me such kind messages.

Who would have thought that just telling you all the truth and sharing all the things that I think of till the early hours would prompt such a response.

I will try to not get too surreal on you but i will keep saying things how I see them.

And i will probably broach most subjects. Of course if you happen to be included in one of these tales I shall not mention your name. Some people who are close to me in my life may be able to figure out who I mean. I trust these people will not name names.

If you want to break your anonymity and tell people i am writing about you I will take no exception to it.

But basically dudes you are great and thanks. Xxxx
Also keep saying nice things