You bastard bloody bitches

I would like to point out for the sake of the strops that I can see happening from the following that my blog is my life. Names are never mentioned. If you choose to reveal your identity then that is up to you. Also don't assume I am writing about you, ever heard that song by Carly Simon? Google it but then you're so vain you probably think this blog is about you (giggle)

Well this post is not about you, or you, or in fact any of you. It is a generalisation.

I imagine most of my readers are around my age. But even if you are younger and especially if you are older, pay attention.

Time to start facing up to your annoyances in life. The following are no longer allowed as way of venting your tensions:

Cryptic Facebook status / posts

Crytic tweets

Talking with others about you issue, but not confronting the cause.

If you have an issue with me / my writing / my being on suicide girls or in fact anyone else, tell them. Don't be rude, just tell them. If you don't feel comfortable doing it face to face maybe send an email or text but do remember the meaning can easily be misconstrued without a tone of voice behind it.

The way of conducting oneself is to no longer be bitches (men and women) you'll find it makes life so much easier. I have tried it on 2 occasions this week and the results have been delightful.

public displays of affection

Is PDA A-OK?

The public display of affection (PDA), is it ok?

This last weekend my friends and I bore witness to a PDA. Well I say a PDA. The whole evening was an elaborate ruse. We were just to pawns in a game of "I am gonna bone this girl". This PDA was more scent marking the area. He might as well had pissed on her right there at the bar.

The married among us were shocked that people act like this beyond the age of 15. The single among us were scared that this is now how we need to act to find a significant other. All of us were feeling a little bit queasy at the sight.

Beyond hand holding (whilst walking only) and the occasionally peck on the lips / cheek when sharing a bit of an 'in' joke, PDAs are not ok.

I do not need to see you and your most recent catch, or even your long term lover, basically dry humping. Especially so when we are only out and not out-out.

The hottest girl in the world

Today I had the privilege to meet with the hottest girl in the world right now.

I start off by asking her the question on everyone's lips, how does it feel to be the hottest girl in the world right now?

Hot Girl: Well It's a complex mix of emotions. Firstly I feel bad for all the girls that are not the hottest girl in the world right now. But, like the highlander, there can be only one. I also feel super happy as I am the hottest girl in the world right now. Who wouldn't want that accolade?

Dougal: So I imagine as the hottest girl in the world right now you get a lot of attention from admirers?

HG: Yes well the chaps do want a piece of this hot, hot ass. Some of them get a bit creepy and send me their hair or toenails but I just put that all in a box ready for when I have perfected my human cloning machine.

D: How does your boyfriend, Chad, deal with all the attention?

HG: Well naturally he wants to keep me all to his self so he keeps me locked in a cupboard as much as possible. I feel like Harry Potter, only hotter. He feeds me scraps of turkey and bacon and has given me a rubix cube and a gameboy with tetris on to keep me occupied.

D: So, what next for the hottest girl in the world right now?

HG: Next I plan on being the most beautiful girl in the world. I have always had a thing for the artist formally known as Prince.

I want to thanks the Hottest girl in the world right now for the time to interview her and JLS for bringing her to our attention.