N00bs at conventions

Yes I am going to talk tattoos again. Fuck off now if you don't wanna hear/read it.

The awesome dude @iamkennethcom and I were tweeting the other night and he said "it's funny how in my work I'm considered heavily tattooed but at a convention I'm a total n00b".

I get told i have a load of tattoos and asked if I have any space left. I don't have loads and I do have space left. I look down at my right arm which has had a fair amount of work done and feel frustrated that it's not finished. There is a load of blank skin there and loads of blank space in my bank account where the money needs to be to pay for the work.

I tried to work out the other day how much I have spent. I think it must be at the £700 mark. This isn't a lot in the grand scheme of things. If you are getting cheap tattoos they are probably not good tattoos. (Unless you have found an awesome friend in one of your tattooerists.)

It's a want in me to get more tattoos now. It's not addictive like people say. I can't stand the pain. But I have so much unfinished space. It's not having got to the conclusion that makes me carry on.

Tattoos have (in a round about way) taken me places in the last 4 months that I didn't think I could get to. I have met the most awesome person I could ever find in my life. I am totally captivated, charmed and utterly happy to be in their life.
The columnist I discovered turned out to be super awesome regardless o the Vans. He gave me an opportunity that I have wanted for ever and ever.
And the photographer lady I worked with recently has given me the confidence to go for another one of my dreams. Soon we will be getting all dirty working on it and I can't wait.

Discovering tattoos, the confidence they gave me and the new outlook I have since really understanding real art is the best thing I have ever done.

For photography details contact Emma:
facebook.com/MOJOPhotographymakeup
Info@mojo-photo.co.uk
Twitter: @MOJOphotomakeup

Contact me: @DougalMcT

Samantha Brick. Such a liar

Samantha Brick is an utter retard that has come into the public conscience this week. If you have never read her articles they can be found in the Daily Mail. The one that has caused her to become an over-night hate figure is Why women hate me cos I'm beautiful

Samantha Brick claims that women hate her because she is beautiful. I am a woman I can can state that I categorically have never hated another woman based on her looks. I am more likely to stare like an utter pervert at a beautiful woman. Brick also is not a beautiful woman. She is average looking. You wouldn't look twice at her if she walked past you in the street. I think she has confused genuinely nice people with people wanting to fuck her.

I also think from reading her writings that can be found on the mail website that women dislike her (not hate) because she is an idiot. She talks about how her husband picks her clothes and how she left her high flying life to become a housewife. Well she clearly isn't she works for the Daily Mail. And she thinks her husband leaving her if she puts on weight is the correct way to live.

She has very little clue how to be a modern woman, she seems stuck in a old fashioned way of living. I am not judging her choice to live like this but her view that is the correct way to live is ridiculous. I would love to be able to meet her and see if this inflated ego is just a front to try and get some media attention.

Feminism in my house

I came across this:
http://www.rockalily.com/blog/feminism-why-i-am-giving-up-high-heels.html
An awesome site and blog for all you rockabilly ladies out there. Here @ReeReeRockette states her case for giving up heels. I understand her cause but alas I cannot join. I love my heels. I spend too much money on them and have a corner in my room dedicated to my favourites.

Now @ReeReeRockette tweeted me saying: @kirstytelling he he! I didn't want to start a crusade ;-) Feminism promotes choice! Rock your heels! x

I promised her that this Saturday I would rock my converse and dedicate it to her.

This got me thinking. Where do I stand on stuff like this. I know I am not feminine, I swear like a sailor, burp like a real man, spend my weekends with football and f1 and will see any tree as a climbing challenge. I also don't know where feminists would stand on my dress sense. I have already mentioned the too short skirts.

For the past few years it has just been me and the little lady at home. Don't get me wrong her dad has her 50% of the time I'm not about to rant about him.

I try to set a positive example for the kid. We have sat down and talked in depth about how I work full-time as I want to pay my own way. I know it upsets her that we don't get a lot I time together. She tells me she wants me to be like the other mums that pick their kids up from school everyday. I hope that one day she appreciates what I do, not so we can live the high life, but so we are comfortable and don't have to worry about paying the gas bill.

We have also spoke about boyfriends. I'm not a man hater. I'm not really a woman hater either. I spend time with them in equal measures. Both sexes can be absolute bitches and both sexes can offer a shoulder to cry on. There is not a quality I prefer in either sex. Well apart from the penis, a good quality penis.
So where does that leave me?
I'm not sure. I know I am not an active feminist. But I understand and take to heart the worldwide issue of women's rights.
I hope I am setting a good example to the little lady. How to be a modern woman and work hard to get what you want. I also want her to, well I guess respect men. To find a man in your life for friendship or a relationship that fits you, your personality and lifestyle can be the best feeling in the world. But it can be the same with a woman I guess.

I am unsure and I guess time will tell as the little kid gets into a big kid.

Keep rocking awesome shoes of any heel height and check out http://www.rockalily.com

I do not look how I used to

In the past year, probably even in the last few weeks the way I look has changed quite a lot.

I feel more comfortable in myself now than I have since I was 20 (pre-pregnancy). However the way I look comes along now comes along with its own set of problems. I don't think I look extreme. I know of plenty of other girls out there who take tattoos, hair colour and style of dress a lot further than I do and I commend them. One day I hope my life has got to the point where I am free to express myself like them daily.

The way I look should not be confused with some misconceived stereotype you may have.

I am not in the bottom rung of my career, I am not the admin assistant here to do your bidding. I think I have been quite successful in what I do. I have a lot of love for my job and my team. Admittedly, no, I am not a super successful manager but nor would I want to be. The plan is to move onwards and upwards in what I do, not become one of them BMW driving business bitches I see in their power suits.

I am over the age of 18 so you can't really get away with calling me a silly little girl. I'm too old to be that and also it's just gosh darn rude.

Don't make the tattooed assumption of massive drinker who smokes roll ups. That's definitely not me. Still not drinking. High 5 me.

My hair is currently a reddy-pink masterpiece. Pay attention here comes the science
Majicontrast in red or magenta
9% creme developer
Rusk in hot pink
Ta da.

I think I am telling you all this because recently I have met with some, not discrimination, but some thing similar because of the way I look and dress.

I wear short skirts. I team these with high heels for work converse for play. I love mini skirts. I have lots. Team these skirts with the warm weather we have been having and it makes or a lot of tutting in my general direction. One such occurrence took place in a super market recently when a lovely lady took it upon herself to nudge her fellow shopper and say "look the warm weather brings 'em all out, and look at her tattoos too". What does this even mean? How have I offended this woman's eyes so badly just by standing in front of her. I had just finished work and I always wear dark black tights to work with my far too short skirts. So it's not like she could see my ass cheeks hanging out.

Another such occurrence happened to me during my working day. I may not be the most serious person you come across and I may not be super corporate but I know there is a time and a place to be professional. I also will do my work to the highest possible standard. When someone tries to get in the way of me doing my job, undermines my role and generally talks to me like utter shit I will not stand for it. It wasn't apparent to me on the day several people were behaving in a strange and rude manner towards me that it might be because of how I look until someone pointed it out to me. It's ridiculous but thinking back that is probably what happened.

Today's rant is really to ask you lot. To be a bit more open minded. And if you see me in the street come say hello. You can touch my hair if you like. Unless you are a chino, v neck, vans wearing douche.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha see what I did there.

Sun, sex and tattooed folk

I am just trying to lure you in with talk of sex. Of course I shall say inappropriate things, probably a bit too loudly in a pub near you, but I shall not ever tell you my dirty little secrets. Kiss and tell is not good form.

This Saturday we officially decided summer had started as a douche was spotted in lydiard park with his top off. It's not top off weather. It's no jumper weather. Maybe a cardigan for the late afternoon. It's not summer yet people it goes down to 2 degrees at night. Put some clothes on.

The weather however has been awesome for this time of year. Awesome that is in terms of warm days. Not awesome in terms of rainfall. We are officially in drought. Research it and find out the ways you can save water. This is an issue that is very close to my heart. I cannot stand people who do not turn off the tap when they brush their teeth. That may sound like I am making a joke but I am not. I cannot deal with it. It makes me so angry. Just turn the darn tap off.

So, yeah, my point was the sun is here. This means not only is my bag full with make up which needs to be reapplied hourly due to unnaturally watery eyes, but I will be carrying factor 50 everywhere with me. Probably Johnson baby factor 50, I like the way it smells. It's not like I don't like the sun. I do. I bloody love bein all warm and cosy. Especially with very little clothes on. I don't like sunburn.

I saw vast numbers of sunburnt people this weekend. Not only do I not want to risk skin cancer and looking old and wrinkly I specifically do not want to fade my tattoos. Sorry for getting all Baz Luhrmann on you there. If you really must be tanned get a spray tan. I can't bloody stand spray, mousse or any other kind of fake tan but if you really must do it then let me come watch so I can look at you naked.

I spent my weekend with some unexpected ladies. Although they are super friends we have not really spent this much time with each other in a long time. It was really good to talk and learn that the things I write and say are helping people understand their own issues or the issues of others.

Keep your questions and comments coming in. You'll get nothing but the truth back from me.

Kisses, but only on the cheek in a continental fashion.

A lot can happen in 60 days

The past 60 days have been interesting.

I have been to work
Met a person I admired
Been off work
Had a breakdown
Got a bit better
Spent time with the person I admire
Been back to work
Been so sad
Been so happy

This is not a full list. But a lot has happened.

β-blockers have been a bit of a bitch to me. I have been prescribed propranolol to help me deal with the anxiety that consumed me. They work by diminishing the effects of stress hormones such as adrenaline. This means no panic, no fight or flight response and what I can only say is lots of pain. I was thinking why I wasn't dealing well with tattoos lately and it makes sense that it is in part due to
β-blockers. It's gonna take me longer to finish my first sleeve than anticipated. I don't wanna get more tattoos whilst I am ill-equipped to deal with the pain.

This particular boy has my heart in the palm of his hand (biffy clyro guys). I'm not sure he knows but he should. His presence has been a significant calming influence to me. I don't know what will happen in the future and I don't wanna question what we may or may not have. All I know is that he makes me happy. Adjusting to thinking differently about this situation is hard. But it's well l'oreal.

I think I was, for a short while, in danger of becoming addicted to sleeping tablets. I have none left and had a good few days when sleeping was a struggle. I did however get through these few days. I am not really sleeping properly still. I usually wake up between 3 and 4 in the morning then am not quite awake and not quite asleep until my alarm goes off. Then my brain decides it must be asleep which is a bit of an annoyance since I have gone back to work. I am surviving on a lot of redbull at the moment just to make it through that long car journey down the m4.

Being told about and given a book about cognitive behavioural therapy has helped with a lot of the issues that get in my brain and cause me to hide in bed. The basics of cbt are that you feel the way you think, put simply; you are more happy if you think in a more healthy and happy ways. It's an easy concept and it's really helping me with the anxiety and depression that I have told you all about. It's also helping me with the self esteem issues I keep in my head. I am a very shy person. This is a fact that many find hard to believe. I have no problems standing in front of a group of senior managers at work and talking about stuff I feel passionate about. In a big group of people I can hold my own. Put me in a more intimate situation me and you in a room sat face to face and talking and I will want to hide. Ask me to talk about how I am feeling or what has lead me to become so melancholy and I will shy away and skirt around the answers. I feel safer blurting on my feelings on this blog than I do ringing my closest friends and telling them that I need help.

Since being back to work I have changed my outlook on it. I still struggle with the values that I feel are forced upon me. I do however feel more comfortable in my role. I love my job and the people it puts me in touch with and I have a new found 'hunger' to pursue my goals.

Things are better for me. I'm not cured, I'm in no way the person I was before but I'm focusing my attention on the stuff that matters to me and not on the stuff that makes me want to hide from the world.

Pros and cons

So I was sat here writing a list of pros and cons of a situation I find myself in.

Then it occurred to me what does pro mean and what does con mean?

Good and bad I guess.

Well here is a definition:
Pro - in favour of (good)
Con - against (bad)

I thought it would be more complex than that but it's not. I am an actual idiot sometimes.